Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
