just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
