3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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