Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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