omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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