Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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