Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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