The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just gargled with NyQuil
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
