Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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