We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dignity is for republicans.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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