I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Couch. On fire.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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