New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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