This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
