Will you blow on my dice?
where does the pee come out of this thing
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
