Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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