what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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