What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
