maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
