I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
