This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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