I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
