Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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