Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
