I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
