Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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