dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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