So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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