You can't special order awesome
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
