Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize