I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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