so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
