Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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