My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
