he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
