fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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