I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
