Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
