Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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