His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dear god my vagina.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
