Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
