Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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