I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
