the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My penis needs a shock collar
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
