This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
