Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
