We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
