I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
did i walk over a car last night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
