Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
