someone get that fucking seahorse.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
being pregnant is like rehab
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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