He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
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I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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