you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
