Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
