I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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