We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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