The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
