you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
