Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
