I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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