Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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