A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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