remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
