So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
