my vag is so smooth its legendary
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
