Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
