Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
