so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
