8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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