I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
