Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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