I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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