forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
