The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You're like the curious george of whores
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
