forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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