Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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