Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
