I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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